capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
