how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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