Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
