So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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