and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
