So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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