After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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