I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
