I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
