My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
