So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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