We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
