I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
