i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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