he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
