Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
