I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
