Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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