My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize