Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
