Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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