And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
