i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
