Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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