I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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