my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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