The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
