um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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