Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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