well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
