I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
