I wish my penis had an off switch
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
