I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I want is dick and wine.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
