my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
