he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
do nipples grow back?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
