he puts the penis in happiness.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
