i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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