Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
