I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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