you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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