There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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