Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
