With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
