I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
