He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
