I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
