Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
