Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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