The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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