you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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