he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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