tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
