the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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