What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
