I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
