I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
