I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are we in a gay sports bar?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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