wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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