i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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