No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found puke in my bra..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
