i just wanna soil my oats bro
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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