The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
