I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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