he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
