You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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