you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
