Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
