if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
