remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
