we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
