Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
