seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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