I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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