oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
