question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
