no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
