i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
