that's an acceptable place to lick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
