It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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