I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize