had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
