Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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