erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He passed out mid-signature
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
